I think of standing up and just running down the hill. Instead, I turn back expecting to find my name caller… all I see are the protective acacia trees I hugged when I was a little girl.
It stopped raining the moment I finished my salad; tough luck. I picked my lunch equipment from the ground and threw it on the back seats of the car. I looked at my reflection on the car’s window; long wavy brown hair, wet dressy clothes, mascara running down my cheeks, confused eyes staring at the whole picture. Sat down on the driver’s seat, cold hands on the wheel and then I felt it; I had the impression there was somebody with me in the car. I was hard to frighten with ghost stories and scary movies. Nonetheless, there was this only thing that made me feel like I was going to be buried alive the moment I turned back. How to explain it… a chill in your brain, running blood freezing cold, sweat running down your spine, and the worst of it all; a change of pressure in the surrounding space. My ears cracked, blood rushed into my face.
I turned the engine on and drove downhill without even knowing where I was going. Parked in front of the main door and, even though it was way early, I rushed into the afternoon classroom. I sat on the large wooden table, and calmly fixed my hair into a low bun. I took a make-up remover wipe from my bag and cleaned the mascara from my face: I was ready again. Five minutes later kids started coming into class. Time to teach again. I talked for 50 minutes non-stop, I loved explaining Blake’s poems; calling the devil, delicate shapes, dark thoughts… A Robin Red breast in a Cage Puts all Heaven in a Rage. Pure Innocence some might say.
The class was over sooner than I expected. I was alone again, packing my things in absolute silence. Before exiting the class I checked myself out in the window’s reflection to make sure everything was in place. It looked blurry, as if I needed to come closer; as if I was going to disappear little by little.